Our Coaches are invested in your health, and are dedicated to helping you discover your best healthy self. You can watch Coach Allison and our whole panel of experts in the AF App, plus ask questions, connect with the AF community, and more. Now on to Coach Alli’s story.
I’ve told my story so many times and each time I hope that it helps just one person. I hope that person is reading this right now.
I was a relatively normal kid and teenager. Towards my adult years, however, I struggled with a depression like I had never felt before, and I had no idea how to manage it.
I sought help from doctors and was put on so many different medications to try and solve the problem. Through that journey I gained over 80 pounds and completely lost myself. I turned to alcohol and pills to try and numb the pain of not understanding how to feel normal and complete even the most basic tasks. It took being hospitalized for an overdose to bring me face to face with my problems.
Small starts
I started small — with a honey bun, actually.
I loved honey buns — so much so that I was eating one a day. Out of all the unhealthy habits I latched onto, overeating was my comfort. One day, I decided to stop eating that one honey bun a day. I didn’t change anything else. From there I felt a small spark of power and control, so I kept making adjustments every few weeks. I dropped one soda a day. I walked an extra five minutes a day. I kept going until the weight started to fall off. I was finally free — or so I thought.
Old habits die hard
Once I realized the power I felt in controlling what I ate, I did what I always did, I took it to the extreme.
It became about how little I could eat in a day. It became a thrill to get through a whole day on only a piece of chicken and bowl of fruit. I started measuring my “happiness”, not by overeating, but by how prevalent my hip bones would stick out or by measuring my wrists every day with my fingers to see how small I could get them. It was a new crutch, just as deadly as the last one. On top of that, I lost two parents, tragically, within 2 years. That only increased the need to find control in my life. I look back now and just shake my head.
Finally, after leaving a very unhealthy relationship that only increased my need for hurting myself, I started small again. I stopped measuring my wrists. From there, I added a protein shake a day. I kept fighting for myself because I knew there was a balance.
Becoming the person I needed most
Around this time, I joined Anytime Fitness. This was over 6 years ago. I worked with a Coach there and fell in love with lifting weights. I started to put on some muscle weight (which was hard) and began to feel that thrill of power again, but in a new, different way.
I became fascinated with how the female body worked and how unique we are. I decided to learn more and took several courses and certifications to try and help others like me. I became the woman that I needed years ago to help me learn how. I took that knowledge and held myself accountable for my clients and myself. I built a strong client base by helping people see that there is a way to be healthy without the extremes, without guilt, and without hating yourself.
The fight is never over. To this day I still struggle with body dysmorphia. My weight has gone up and down 20 pounds over the years, but one thing has remained constant: I never give up on myself, and I never stop fighting.
Sounds familiar?
To the person reading this that has been through or is currently going through something similar, know this: You are not alone. Even Coaches have to fight with every breath they have to maintain balance.
Fast forward to today. I do not own a scale, nor will you see me on a body scanner. I choose to measure my success by how I feel and how I move rather than hard numbers. I’ve learned that, for me, these check-ins only hinder my progress and mental well-being. I eat plenty but in a balanced way. Sometimes I track my food when I need to reprogram for goals, but sometimes I don’t. I make sure to eat plenty of protein, drink lots of water, and focus on my step count. Sometimes I work out five days a week, and sometimes it’s just two. I don’t deny myself carbs or cake, and I certainly don’t have “cheat” days. I allow myself a broad range of foods and focus on eating in a balanced way. Once I stopped labeling foods “bad,” I was surprised at how much that prevented binging. By allowing yourself to live and eat without guilt, you can grow so much more. I still struggle with looking in the mirror and with photos, but I have a system where I have to say one positive thing for every negative thing I think.
Is my life perfect? Absolutely not. However, I no longer believe that things need to be “perfect” for me to be happy and healthy. I just have to do my best. That’s it. My best looks different each day, but it’s always what I can do.
If you take anything away from my experience, it should be this: Your best is enough. You are enough. Stop trying to change everything or fit into some box. Be you, love yourself, show yourself grace and the rest will come.
If these are things you struggle with, work with a Coach that understands how you feel and what you need, and can provide support until you are strong enough to do it on your own.
Just don’t give up.
You can find Coach Alli on the AF App, and if you’re ready for support on your fitness journey, visit your local Anytime Fitness gym and ask about Coaching options today.
